I’d read a lot about purpose, giving your life to something. Since I was a child I was told, God has a purpose for your life, your existence. I was raised Lutheran after all, not that I denounce Christianity in its entirety I just believe the man-made idea of God neglects that the details to purpose are far more complex and the tools offered are more than prayer and scripture- not that those weren’t helpful, it just never filled in the space that still remained. I was a curious creature who constantly created. Every Christmas since I was oh four I was responsible for doing a production of the Christmas Story and when I was old enough to understand I Love Lucy, it was my end game, I found my calling card- entertainment. Parents of my neighborhood looked forward to seasonal performances from our household. Now, I am a tall girl, 5’11 to be exact maybe a bit over if I am fully straight up. This calling card I had newly discovered wasn’t sitting well with my elementary teachers who wanted the conventional beauty to portray Dorthy in The Wizard Of Oz and Cinderella in well Cinderella. I was given the role of Munchkin, oh the irony- and Gus Gus in Cinderella. Where the best part of it all I got to make my ears and find the perfect oversized sweater out of my mom’s closet. I couldn’t understand why I was the “fat” mouse. Yes this was the late 90’s “fat” was still a stigma and my height and weight were still sorting themselves out. I had also been in a traveling singing group called Sunshine Generation where I was poked fun of for my Macedonian hairiness to my unconventional personality the combo from school and hobby at the time proved lethal. Call it an over-sensitive- creator moment but quitting although I loved singing seemed like the obvious choice. Although I wasn’t aware then, I had shuffled the deck and drawn my card. I was being initiated into what has become a journey of a lifetime. One failure at a time.
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